8

Healing from a narcissist relationship

Healing from a narcissist relationship

Healing from a narcissist relationship is an individual ‘choice and decision‘. Only we can make that choice for ourselves. Making the choice is actually not the most difficult part, the hardest is to heal without ever understanding why one can inflict such pain onto another for no reason at all.

Here is your song from me to listen to while you read…

Healing from an evil obsessive narcissist was one of the deepest, hardest, and everlasting pains I’ve ever felt. Now I can say the most powerful too.

However hard this is or has been for me, I share my story humbly hoping that it can make a difference and who knows – more than that.

Not understanding why, I had to experience a loss such as my baby, or of my father to suicide was hard you bet, devastating, to say the least however somehow over time, I’ve managed to wrap my head around it.

To experience a marriage with an obsessive, and sadistic narcissist – was heart-wrenching, ripped my soul apart, and to this day has no possible explanation – I cannot say I understand it, I don’t think it is possible to understand it, it is beyond such a thing and I still cannot wrap my head around it nevertheless my heart.

Getting to terms that to let go of anything is often uncomfortable, or agonizing is just ONE of many steps. Replaying the painful memories is like taking a leap of faith.

The past is predictable, familiar but the new is a mystery, hence usually very frightening.

While the devil doesn’t change – Healing from a narcissist relationship is possible

I felt trapped, but the biggest of all was to realize that I allowed it to happen to me. This I came to understand. Somehow, I enabled him to do so. I own it.

Healing from a narcissist relationship

I could be here endlessly writing down all the reasons (and valid ones I still believe) for having stayed 14, 15 plus years in such a relationship, but I won’t simply because it took me, to take responsibility for my own part in it to begin my healing and transformation.

The bottom line is that there are things, situations, people that are so, so worth losing, it is not even a joke, cutting them out completely from our lives is actually liberating and a blessing in disguise.

While letting go may sound like a struggle and we all know it is. Harder than the consequences of enabling is to accept the abuse and torture we have lived through: be it verbally, emotionally, and or physically. How can anyone understand those that inflict pain onto others for fun and pleasure?

“When I realized that I was in hell’s bottomless pit, the abyss became my Oasis. Letting go opened the horizons towards my blessings over time, but it wasn’t without tribulations”

Do you need Permission for healing from a narcissist relationship?  

Let go of the old idealizations of you and transform your life so that you can regain your own kind of beauty again!

Fear embeds our being, with the terror that lurks from our shadow and runs in the veins. We have the innate potential for chaos. Is it not what we see all around? The chaos that we cannot sustain without damage of some sort?

Abdicating (in any way) from the individual responsibility each one of us has, is renouncing our own throne and bringing upon Self-inflicted chaos.

I have enough reasons to believe that I’ve lived too many experiences for one lifetime alone. Crushing disappointments were a big part of it, to say the least. Today I can say, I am better, stronger, and fabulous so worthy of Love, thanks to all that.  A rough diamond is a diamond, I see you! 

When we cut ourselves, we need to stop the bleeding, then let the healing take its course… takes time, right? Just like emotional and mental matters. I have your back, I hear you, I understand you.

We cannot see clearly in the middle of a storm, and neither can we vibrate high with a broken heart. So, let it be to let it go, ‘no storm lasts forever, it is after an emotional storm that we can see the damages with a clear mind. You are not alone.

All 4 of the beings in the picture below know and have experienced such in real life.

Healing from a narcissist relationship

Healing from a narcissist relationship is a leap of faith worth more than words can tell

Standing on firm ground is to own up to the role that we’ve played in our past so that we can Let Go of it, and live life looking forward instead of in the rear-view mirror. So that we can truly forgive ourselves for it all and heal.

Let’s face it, how much longer of the same bullshit do you plan to endure further? If it smells like shit, looks like shit, feels like shit it’s because it is shit!

We think about our role in all of it, in the current personal life so that we can Let in the New and move forward.

 Healing from a narcissist relationship of any kind is like taking a leap of faith to allow the blossomed version of you to come to the surface

It is love, of course, that guides the reorganization and its unfolding.  But it is love, too, that is the substance of the ashes, and also the tears, the tears of grief and the tears of love.  If the tears could speak, they may tell us that there is no medicine in a wound that is already healed, but only in one that is weeping.” Matt Licata PhD

Letting go, forgiving is a choice that we make when we’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Acting upon injustice need not wait for the right time. 

Deep cuts, nasty scars, heavy burdens, traumas, pain, and hurt need not wait for the right time for healing to begin – it starts with a choice.

Enabling Emotional, Mental, and Physical abuse of any sort, year after year for so many years is heart-wrenching and tragic, to say the least. It was this realization that ‘I enabled it, that led me towards healing, transformation, and freedom.

It is real that there is a time we cannot see any light, hope dies, we subside to the darkness and succumb to the torment, despair and feel that the only way out is to end, literally everything.

Narcissists take you there with a smile, they’re the devil in disguise, the spotlight will always be theirs, for they are the perpetrators. They’ve mastered getting away with tormenting anyone that is on the periphery of their radar. They are good at it.

Healing from it begins …

… when we make the choice to not let ourselves be just one more victim or part of the statistics. If you are or have been one, join us, there are many like you and me… be the witness that changes the story’s narrative – Let your truth be heard. SAY it out loud: “NO MORE” You know deep inside that you can, and will heal – everything you may face from that point onwards is turbulent, not easy but IT IS WORTH IT, it is empowering.

To everyone out there that has experienced or is experiencing any kind of abuse, my message is to remember that no one deserves to live in shame or guilt – ever! and that? Certainly, includes YOU. 

Let Go the confinement of the mind and imprisonment of the soul

Their drill is that it is all, always our fault, most certainly always, of course, always! We’re never, ever good enough for them, we’re useless and do nothing right but ‘pressing’ the wrong buttons; ‘we deserve’ to be publicly embarrassed, humiliated because we ask for it!?

Truth is our misery is their joy…

Does it sound familiar?  … It will only be so, while we enable it. 

 Their rage, violent and uncontrollable anger go from mild irritation or annoyance to serious outbursts, not so?

Narcissistic people will get you to actually start doubting about your own sanity – yourself!?  

For example, it is just typical of them to insult you, scold, yell excessively, not only will you always only do everything wrong, “Once again, and again…  we’re always misunderstanding everything, misinterpreting what they say, confused heads, so we are never good enough in their eyes, everything they do to us is our fault and we asked for it! 

Since we never listen properly, talk nicely they get angry – How hilarious!

Warning!! This voice recording is not for the faint-hearted, seriously do not listen to it if you’re not emotionally very strong, or if you are currently vulnerable!

For those that do, or can, this is so that you understand once and for all that you are not alone!!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It is not your fault! You are great! Fabulous! Deserving!

Most important you are not the mad one. Your life can change, you can be happy, you can be yourself again!

This is as real as it gets. Yes, I finally lost it, in the car, him driving home from the hospital as the night before I’d almost died… I was trying to unlock the door to jump out of the car… I’d reached my last straw – total madness… I am ashamed that I have allowed this in my life and 8 years of betrayal I never knew of till late.

We are just a tool they use to practice on – Ouch! right?

  • Understanding this can change completely the direction we take at the crossroads. 
  • This is a disorder that they have and you have nothing to do with it.
  • Their violent form of communication is intended to harm your ‘self-concept’ so that they feel better in theirs
  • Subconsciously they evoke negative emotions on others so that while others get devoured by the pain they inflict, they feel exhilarated instead!
  • Understand what makes them feel great, better, powerful. This is not a joke; it is a pattern of behavior’s that they use intentionally to control and manipulate us or tactics used for their revenge purposes and satisfaction of a “job well done”.
  • This is typical of what mental, possessive ill people do, charm you into the paradox. Manipulate, control you, betray then dispose of you.

If you are blessed like me, they ask for the divorce however, know that they’ll make sure you will suffer on their terms – I have for further 10 years…However, what they cannot begin to imagine is that every minute away from him … has been just a pure blessing!

They are Energy Vampires 

To recover we must claim our power back. Give ourselves the time we need, but don’t wait another minute in agony before we begin to do something about it!

If all we do is just open our eyes to the reality that they are the problem, and know it is not you; that in itself is already doing something towards helping yourself start healing.

Let in the “divine being that you are”. By letting go I mean detach, disengage, separate yourself from any relationship or beliefs, whatsoever, that are toxic.

This does not happen instantly, it’s a long process, but little at a time we certainly build our strength and reclaim our power. What or how it is done is not relevant. It all starts with the decision and determination to overcome the fear, remembering that you deserve to be treated with respect, you are worthy of love.

What is relevant is that you start this process now – even if you just start it in your head undoing the awful words, he or she has made you believe so far, and not believe it any further.

Let go because “YOU matter”

Walk away… there is no bigger loss than that you have been through already. Go forward you’re better off without it. You are worthy of love and respect. 

Healing from a narcissist relationship

When you choose that you’re finally done hurting, it is not when it ends for you, it is when it STARTS rather. You stop surviving and start living again. It is terrifying but when you hit the bottom the only way forward is back up and then you become stronger and able to speak your truth!

Understand that nothing of it is actually your fault, nothing that you did or said makes you deserve to hurt and suffer! You do not ever deserve such treatment, situation, or that kind of life, not only you – it applies to everyone.

Start distancing yourself from the thoughts that plague your heart and are not worth keeping.

Learn to catch yourself thinking negatively, and at that point be aware of it – then tell yourself ‘Oh, no, no it’s not like that. Re-think it… tell yourself what the positive version would look like for you.

Your brain begins to create new patterns, connections that are called neuroplasticity, which is how new experiences reorganize neural pathways in the brain. These functional changes in the brain occur when we learn new things or memorize new information. This is proved scientifically and it is not a story.

The time to lick your wounds and heal starts NOW.

Holding onto deep emotional wounds of any sort slowly but surely drains the life out of you bit by bit. When you hold onto it you enable it to fester, corrupt and rot you from the inside.

Surrender

You can, and I repeat you can, change your life and live the life of your dreams, but you have to dream first! You really should. 

      Let go of EVERYTHING that no longer serves you is the best gift you can give yourself. 

Don’t fear this, “where there is a will there is a way”. You are not alone. There are many like you suffering silently.

My point though is that if you have to let go of a toxic relationship with anyone, no matter who it is, for your sanity and wellbeing, then that is what you do. You come first and that is not selfishness! It is Self-Love.

Mend your heart – Let go – Let the Healing from a narcissist relationship guide you to the happiness and joy that you deserve

 

Write a letter, pour your heart out, say everything that has been stuck, silenced your entire life, and burn it, do it as many times as you need, every time you burn it or bury it, or tear it imagine it dissolving in thin air and go out of your heart. This is called visualization, just like we do when we daydream.

It may feel awkward, but it helps you heal immensely like you took a ton off your heart. It is pretty powerful!! 

Release the abuse you have been through. Whatever that is for you, all that matters is that you are deserving, you are enough and you are a divine being!  JUST LIKE ME!

 Stay blessed, Stay put, in love, for love, with love & Sparkles for your amazingness!!

For more:

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Why solitude, not loneliness

Take nothing Personal

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Clinical Health 

Me, me, me! How narcissism changes throughout life

 

6

Let them Go to be free

Let them Go to be free

Let them Go to be free, Part I is a reminder that at times some people don’t deserve to be in your heart or in your life at all. The example being used is about a relationship between a narcissistic father and a daughter.

This applies to any other situation of a kind, relationship, or interaction for this matter.

WHEN disconnecting and distancing is really all we can do.

  Let them go to be free, you’re worthy

A 19-year-old girl writes a letter to her narcissist dad describing her 10-year journey better than I could ever convey it.

The letter below is just one in a million examples of what letting go in this context feels like. I hope it makes a difference for her and all those that come to read it.

“Dad”

Let them Go to be free

I’ve been wanting to speak to you, and I’ve been putting it off because it never felt like the right time. However, I’ve realized that the time will never feel right. It’s a sensitive and somewhat uncomfortable conversation. I’m not responsible for how you interpret this, but I want you to know that I don’t want to fight or argue….I’ve been feeling very heavy-hearted when it comes to this. If I sound confrontational… By all means, I’m not trying to attack… blame anyone so be open-minded while reading this, and try to see things from my side, just this once…

I know being sensitive isn’t your forte but I feel like I’ve always been on the short end of the stick. Always feeling sad, always hurting but it feels unfair to continue letting myself feel this way without trying to talk to you

I don’t know … but every time I think of my dad, I think of someone unapproachable.

I’m not sure about you but I don’t think feeling that way is a good thing. I can’t explain it but it has been like this since the divorce. I have always felt that with my dad, he didn’t care.

He didn’t care enough to provide continuity. It wasn’t his job as a father. It was up to him when and how much he contributed.

Nothing was unconditional… a fact I could never avoid.

I got through my teenage years just accepting it, I never gave it much thought. I made sure I kept myself as busy as possible to ensure I never had the time to give it any thought.

My job during school was to get good grades and excel where and when I could. The financial stuff was between mom and dad and had nothing to do with us kids. On the contrary, it had and still has everything to do with us. It was no secret that mom paid for the food we ate, the house we lived in, the clothes we wore, the school we went to, and not once did we ever go without anything we needed. And she would do it without us even asking her to. Unconditional.

But dad… with you it was different…

With you, we always had to ask. And more often than not I would ask with my tail between my legs, I felt as if I was always asking and expecting way too much from you. It’s always been much more than paying for my school tournaments, or flights to you and back, or paying for the medical aid. Don’t get me wrong. I am beyond grateful that you did allow me to play and be part of the team, but it isn’t about the money.

All I have ever felt is that it’s only about the money for you, and the exact figure to a cent with you. Nothing felt unconditional.

…saddest part of it all is that I can’t say I’ve ever felt love from you. And as much as it might hurt or be a slap in the face to hear this, it’s the hard truth and I’ve let these feelings bottle up for ten years now.

I have been feeling this hurt for literally almost 10 years to the dot.

There’s no rulebook to marriage or parenthood. And I ask this in the nicest way possible, would you be happy if your “little girl”, your blood, someone who you hopefully do care for, were to marry someone like you and go through a divorce as messy as yours and moms were?

It hurts Dad, it really, really breaks me because I pray I never get treated the way mom did, and I pray that I don’t marry someone who will leave me to support my children and make my kids feel the hurt I have felt every day of my life for 10 long years.

The thought of committing to something as big as children terrifies me. Because no child should ever have to feel the way I did growing. And how will I ever know? How will I ever know what the man I marry one day will be capable of

In December I visited because I thought I should go visit my family, I wanted to believe that you’ve changed. And as much as you have in some ways, there’s no avoiding the fact that you’ve never prioritized your kids as much as I’ve seen other fathers doing. It’s way too late to change my childhood. It’s gone forever. But it’s time for me to deal with my childhood trauma. And this is the only way I can think of. Making myself extremely vulnerable and approaching you.

Vulnerability – the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m laying all my cards on the table. I’m tired of pretending that your actions haven’t hurt me. I’m tired of acting tough.

It’s not uncommon for kids to have issues with parents, especially nowadays. I have many friends who have similar problems. But when they admit that my situation is a lot worse. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I feel.

For the longest time, I was angry. I was so mad that I didn’t have a father who provided unconditionally. But anger wasn’t going to solve anything, being mad at you wasn’t going to change your ways. I’ve accepted that nothing will ever be able to change.

It’s too late to fix how I feel, it’s been engraved. But it might not be too late for my sibling. I think it’s often easy to not think of how our actions affect those around us. But when you’re constantly shouting or constantly angry, do you think any of us feel we can approach you? There is no doubt that he needs a fatherly figure in his life, and yet he has been the one that has visited you the most. Half of the time I’ve questioned, why in the world would anyone keep going back to a place where they get beaten down for not knowing certain things or for doing things wrong? the only explanation I can come up with is that he needs his dad.  He’s no longer a child, he is a young man who needs his dad to guide him. Only four more years and he will no longer be a teenager and money will no longer be able to buy his calls or to buy his love.

Sincerely your daughter who hopes to one day, to have a better relationship”.


Let them Go to be free

       Don’t forget it’s always about them!

The narcissist father-child relationship is painful, devastating, many can relate to Emotional as well as Verbal abuse.

Let them Go to be free

That is just who they are, it won’t change…

Let them Go to be free

” IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT period, none of it is!

  • Not from the beginning,
  • Not now…It was never you, not from then, now, or ever…     
  • Because it was, is, and “always will be only about them!”

” From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissistic are possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children’s growing independence… with the parent considering that the child exists solely to fulfill the parent’s needs and wishes. Narcissistic parents will often try to control their children with threats and emotional abuse.

Narcissistic parenting adversely affects:

  • Psychological development of children, their reasoning,  emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes.
  • Personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy their expectations”
  • Narcissistic parents are self-absorbed, inflexible, and lack the empathy necessary for child-raising.

Get it now, Not your fault?

This is about releasing the emotional abuse you have been through. Whatever the experience is for you, all that matters is that you are a divine being, a rough diamond needing some polishing & healing, but a diamond nonetheless.

 Stay blessed, Stay put, in love, for love, with love & Sparkles for your amazingness!!

Click ⇒ Part II For more on the Let it go Series

Take nothing Personal

Back to Main Menu

Me, me, me! How narcissism changes throughout life