Deceitful Love, emotional abuse what to know?

Posted on November 24, 2021 by Tânia Barroso

Deceitful Love

Abuse in relationships what to know?

Healing from Deceitful Love, narcissist or not emotional abuse in a relationship of any sort is an individual ‘choice and decision‘. Only we can make that choice for ourselves. Making the choice is actually not the most difficult part, the hardest is to heal without ever understanding why one can inflict such pain onto another for no reason at all.

Here is your song from me to listen to while you read…

Healing from an evil obsessive narcissist was one of the deepest, hardest, and everlasting pains I’ve ever felt. Now I can say the most powerful too.

However hard this is or has been for me, I share my story humbly hoping that it can make a difference and who knows – more than that.

Not understanding why, I had to experience a loss such as my baby, or of my father to suicide was hard you bet, devastating, to say the least however somehow over time, I’ve managed to wrap my head around it.

To experience a marriage with an obsessive, and sadistic narcissist – was heart-wrenching, ripped my soul apart, and to this day has no possible explanation – I cannot say I understand it, I don’t think it is possible to understand it, it is beyond such a thing and I still cannot wrap my head around it nevertheless my heart.

Getting to terms that to let go of anything is often uncomfortable, or agonizing is just ONE of many steps. Replaying painful memories is like taking a leap of faith.

The past is predictable and familiar but the new is a mystery, hence usually very frightening.

While the devil doesn’t change – Healing from a narcissist relationship is possible (Deceitful Love)

I felt trapped, but the biggest of all was to realize that I allowed it to happen to me. This I came to understand. Somehow, I enabled him to do so. I own it.

I could be here endlessly writing down all the reasons (and valid ones I still believe) for having stayed 14, 15 plus years in such a relationship, but I won’t simply because it took me, to take responsibility for my own part in it to begin my healing and transformation.

The bottom line is that there are things, situations, and people that are so worth losing, that it’s not even a joke, cutting completely from your life is not only liberating but a blessing in disguise!

While letting go may sound like a struggle and we all know it is. Harder than the consequences of enabling is to accept the abuse and torture we have lived through: be it verbally, emotionally, and or physically. How can anyone understand those that inflict pain on others for fun and pleasure?

“When I realized that I was in hell’s bottomless pit, the abyss became my Oasis. Letting go opened the horizons towards my blessings over time, but it wasn’t without tribulations”

Do you need Permission for healing from a narcissist or Emotional abuse relationship?

Let go of the old idealizations of you and transform your life so that you can regain your own kind of beauty again!

Fear embeds our being, with the terror that lurks in our shadow and runs in our veins. We have the innate potential for chaos. Is it not what we see all around? The chaos that we cannot sustain without damage of some sort?

Abdicating (in any way) from the individual responsibility each one of us has, is renouncing our own throne and bringing upon Self-inflicted chaos.

I have enough reasons to believe that I’ve lived too many experiences in one lifetime alone. Crushing disappointments were a big part of it, to say the least. Today I can say, I am better, stronger, and fabulous so worthy of Love, thanks to all that. A rough diamond is a diamond, I see you!

When we cut ourselves, we need to stop the bleeding, then let the healing take its course… takes time, right? Just like emotional and mental matters. I have your back, I hear you, I understand you.

We cannot see clearly in the middle of a storm, and neither can we vibrate high with a broken heart. So, let it be to let it go, ‘no storm lasts forever, it is after an emotional storm that we can see the damages with a clear mind. You are not alone.

When there are children like those below in the relationship their soul is equally or worse ripped apart… Yet it is our responsibility to PROTECT THEM. You don’t have to just be strong for yourself, you have to do so for them

Healing from an abusive, and or narcissist relationship is a leap of faith worth more than words can tell

Standing on firm ground is to own up to the role that we’ve played in our past so that we can Let Go of it, and live life looking forward instead of in the rear-view mirror. So that we can truly forgive ourselves for it all and heal.

Let’s face it, how much longer of the same bullshit do you plan to endure further? If it smells like shit, looks like shit, feels like shit it’s because it is shit!

We think about our role in all of it, in the current personal life so that we can Let in the New and move forward.

Healing from a narcissist relationship of any kind is like taking a leap of faith to allow the blossomed version of you to come to the surface

“It is love, of course, that guides the reorganization and its unfolding. But it is love, too, that is the substance of the ashes, and also the tears, the tears of grief and the tears of love. If the tears could speak, they may tell us that there is no medicine in a wound that is already healed, but only in one that is weeping.” Matt Licata PhD

Letting go, and forgiving is a choice that we make when we’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Acting upon injustice need not wait for the right time.

Deep cuts, nasty scars, heavy burdens, traumas, pain, and hurt need not wait for the right time for healing to begin – it starts with a choice.

Enabling Emotional, Mental, and Physical abuse of any sort, year after year for so many years is heart-wrenching and tragic, to say the least. It was this realization that ‘I enabled it, that led me towards healing, transformation, and freedom.

It is real that there is a time we cannot see any light, hope dies, we subside to the darkness and succumb to the torment, despair and feel that the only way out is to end, literally everything.

Narcissists take you there with a smile, they’re the devil in disguise, and the spotlight will always be theirs, for they are the perpetrators. They’ve mastered getting away with tormenting anyone that is on the periphery of their radar. They are good at it.

Healing from it begins …

… when we make the choice to not let ourselves be just one more victim or part of the statistics. If you are or have been one, join us, there are many like you and me… be the witness that changes the story’s narrative – Let your truth be heard. SAY it out loud: “NO MORE” You know deep inside that you can, and will heal – everything you may face from that point onwards is turbulent, not easy but IT IS WORTH IT, it is empowering.

To everyone out there that has experienced or is experiencing any kind of abuse, my message is to remember that no one deserves to live in shame or guilt – ever! and that? Certainly, includes YOU.

Let Go of the confinement of the mind and imprisonment of the soul

Their drill is that it is all, always our fault, most certainly always, of course, always! We’re never, ever good enough for them, we’re useless and do nothing right but ‘pressing’ the wrong buttons; ‘we deserve’ to be publicly embarrassed, humiliated because we ask for it!?

Truth is our misery is their joy…

Does it sound familiar? … It will only be so, while we enable it.

Their rage, violent and uncontrollable anger go from mild irritation or annoyance to serious outbursts, not so?

Narcissistic people will get you to actually start doubting your own sanity – yourself!?

For example, it is just typical of them to insult you, scold, yell excessively, not only will you always only do everything wrong, “Once again, and again… we’re always misunderstanding everything, misinterpreting what they say, confused heads, so we are never good enough in their eyes, everything they do to us is our fault and we asked for it!

Since we never listen properly or talk nicely they get angry – How hilarious!

Warning!! This voice recording is not for the faint-hearted, seriously do not listen to it if you’re not emotionally very strong, or if you are currently vulnerable!

For those that do, or can, this is so that you understand once and for all that you are not alone!!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It is not your fault! You are great! Fabulous! Deserving!

Most important you are not the mad one. Your life can change, you can be happy, you can be yourself again!

This is as real as it gets. Yes, I finally lost it, in the car, him driving home from the hospital as the night before I’d almost died… I was trying to unlock the door to jump out of the car… I’d reached my last straw – total madness… I am ashamed that I have allowed this in my life and 8 years of betrayal I never knew of till late.

We are just a tool they use to practice on – Ouch! right?

Understanding this can change completely the direction we take at the crossroads.
This is a disorder that they have and you have nothing to do with it.
Their violent form of communication is intended to harm your ‘self-concept’ so that they feel better in theirs
Subconsciously they evoke negative emotions in others so that while others get devoured by the pain they inflict, they feel exhilarated instead!
Understand what makes them feel great, better, and powerful. This is not a joke; it is a pattern of behavior that they use intentionally to control and manipulate us or tactics used for their revenge purposes and satisfaction of a “job well done”.
This is typical of what mental, possessive ill people do, charm you into the paradox. Manipulate, control you, betray then dispose of you.

If you are blessed like me, they ask for the divorce however, know that they’ll make sure you will suffer on their terms – I have for further 10 years…However, what they cannot begin to imagine is that every minute away from him … has been just a pure blessing!

They are Energy Vampires

(Deceitful Love leads to Emotional abuse)

To recover we must claim our power back. Give ourselves the time we need, but don’t wait another minute in agony before we begin to do something about it!

If all we do is just open our eyes to the reality that they are the problem, and know it is not you; that in itself is already doing something towards helping yourself start healing.

Let in the “divine being that you are”. By letting go I mean detach, disengage, and separate yourself from any relationship or beliefs, whatsoever, that are toxic.

This does not happen instantly, it’s a long process, but little at a time we certainly build our strength and reclaim our power. What or how it is done is not relevant. It all starts with the decision and determination to overcome the fear, remembering that you deserve to be treated with respect only just because you’re worthy of love and need not earn it to deserve to have it.

What is relevant is that you start this process now – even if you just start it in your head undoing the awful words, he or she has made you believe so far, and not believe it any further.

Let go because “YOU matter”

Walk away… there is no bigger loss than that you have been through already. Go forward you’re better off without it. You are worthy of love and respect.

When you choose that you’re finally done hurting, it is not when it ends for you, it is when it STARTS rather. You stop surviving and start living again. It is terrifying but when you hit the bottom the only way forward is back up and then you become stronger and able to speak your truth!

Understand that nothing of it is actually your fault, nothing that you did or said makes you deserve to hurt and suffer! You do not ever deserve such treatment, situation, or that kind of life, not only you – it applies to everyone.

Start distancing yourself from the thoughts that plague your heart and are not worth keeping.

Learn to catch yourself thinking negatively, and at that point be aware of it – then tell yourself ‘Oh, no, no it’s not like that. Re-think it… tell yourself what the positive version would look like for you.

Your brain begins to create new patterns and connections that are called neuroplasticity, which is how new experiences reorganize neural pathways in the brain. These functional changes in the brain occur when we learn new things or memorize new information. This is proved scientifically and it is not a story.

The time to lick your wounds and heal starts NOW.

Holding onto deep emotional wounds of any sort slowly but surely drains the life out of you bit by bit. When you hold onto it you enable it to fester, corrupt and rot you from the inside.

Surrender

You can, and I repeat you can, change your life and live the life of your dreams, but you have to dream first! You really should.

Let go of EVERYTHING that no longer serves you is the best gift you can give yourself.

Don’t fear this, “where there is a will there is a way”. You are not alone. There are many like you suffering silently.

My point though is that if you have to let go of a toxic relationship with anyone, no matter who it is, for your sanity and wellbeing, then that is what you do. You come first and that is not selfishness! It is Self-Love.

Mend your heart – Let go – Let the Healing from a narcissist relationship guide you to the happiness and joy that you deserve

Write a letter, pour your heart out, say everything that has been stuck, silenced your entire life, and burn it, do it as many times as you need, every time you burn it or bury it, or tear it imagine it dissolving in thin air and go out of your heart. This is called visualization, just like we do when we daydream.

It may feel awkward, but it helps you heal immensely like you took a ton off your heart. It is pretty powerful!!

Release the abuse you have been through. Whatever that is for you, all that matters is that you are deserving, you are enough and you are a divine being! JUST LIKE ME!

Stay blessed, Stay put, in love, for love, with love & Sparkles for your amazingness!!

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Do you take it all always too personally?

Posted on February 1, 2021 by Tânia Barroso

Do you take it all always too personally?

Why do we Do you take it all always too personally? This Story of Anger is a brilliant illustration of what goes on, in our life with reference to our emotions.

Ancient Philosopher Chuang Tzu says that if we are crossing a river, and an empty boat comes towards us, we will not get angry. We will gently guide the boat away. However, if we think there is someone in the boat, we will likely scream and yell at the person to steer clear.
Our Anger arises because we think someone is in the boat.
The goal he suggests is to empty our boat, empty our notions of self and others. The tendency is of course to prove that we are better than those who we oppose. Be a better separate self –

Is the Story always that personal?

I believe that more often than not, we do take things too personally, we take words too personal, work too personal, and on it goes, ´he says she says´ story if it is not what you say, it is how you say it. Misinterpretations turn into actions that become a by-product of anger, a fire that burns, that inflicts hurt, pain, and distress. Is it not time we may at least try to not take ´everything´ so personally? so seriously? or as an attack that robs the smile off our faces on a daily basis? Can a simple comment, thought, word, message, picture, and expression have in itself the power that causes such distress? the answer is yes, we all have experienced anger in one way or another… how is it possible to change, if anger is someone else´s fault? Is this your story?

What´s my Story

I´ve been just as guilty along the way, the only time we can change the future outcome… is NOW, that is pretty much my story resumed. Only I am responsible for my happiness, my happiness is my responsibility and no one else’s, my peace of mind, body health, and spiritual contentment are mine to take care of, and nurture, and only I am in charge. Blaming someone else is like inflicting more of the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I choose to allow myself to re-write my story every time something changes, is this your story too?

I have made mistakes along my journey, many actually, I have and still do miss some opportunities life brings my way to create a better story and so, when that is the case, I re-write my story! the change is not so much about the content of what I say in my story… Or the events (those I cannot control) but more so because of how we say it. How we each describe it. How we each portray it. Do I honor myself? Is my story as authentic as I tell it, and in which way does my story make a difference by sharing it with someone else? When and why is my story worthwhile telling others?

All Stories, memories ´good´ and ´bad´, are meaningful

From the hardest trials, we learn the most valuable lessons, it is here that we evolve the most, and also when sharing is then worthwhile. Good stories shared tend to be celebrations, of joy, it elevates you, brings laughter, a collective communion, yet both or either one add a glimpse of hope, that makes a difference in someone´s life. It is then that we know that we are not merely regurgitating stories for the sake of it, but rather for and with a purpose. Sharing is a reminder that one way or another, we all leave footprints.

Anger rises because we think someone is on the boat

When all is taken too personal, the story is always and mostly one of a VICTIM. It is true, I agree 100%, and I validate that we are witnesses of the cruelty and survivors of the most horrifying crimes, but holding on to it, serves no purpose. Repeating our story over and over for pity, like a broken record, offers nothing, means nothing, it is full and yet so empty, so charged and yet so flat, perpetuates the pain instead of being liberating, it gives away your power instead of being itself powerful. We become invisible, boring to others, alone! We stay Angry and always right, what is the value in it, how can we possibly capitalize on contentment, freedom, or anything good for that matter, that way?

The good news is that choice is the key to change. Rewriting our story is a privilege that every single one of us is granted. That is right! it is a matter of choice. The story you tell others about yourself is meant to be told in a way that elevates you and others. Whereas demeaning stories will affect not only your dignity and self-respect but further sink you into the depth of darkness.

We are all in the boat called Story of life

Regardless of how small, how tiny, or minuscule an achievement was/is, every single experience has the potential to carry a powerful message, the potential to make a difference. Can we agree that it is then part of our personal “growth” and worth the limelight rather than focus our efforts in trying to prove that we are better than those who we oppose when we “take” everyone and everything personally? Growth at a personal level adds meaning to life, while taking everything personally, takes away the meaning.

Does It Matter, Why?

Yes, it does, I individually choose to change my story because, the story I tell not only is beneficial for my mind, body, and spiritual well-being as it is also meant to inspire others, the collective well-being because we all have been or are going through similar experiences and need a friendly word just like you are here reading this story. I hope that if it does not put a smile on your face, it at least makes some sense.

So, What´s your Story

Let your story represent who you are today!! Be loyal, authentic, caring, and gentle with yourself. I remind each one of us, myself included that we´re the Ambassadors of our legacy. The footprints that we leave during our journey in this lifetime, one way or another have and or will touch, impact directly or indirectly those going through similar experiences as ours, like mine. Make it worthwhile.

So, don´t take life so seriously, have some fun and enjoy the process and take things less and less personally.

The choice to change is the precise key and the same tool you, me and everyone have, to re-write our stories and make a difference.

Your choice of Story

When you are crossing the river of life, remember to empty your boat. You don´t become what others think of you, just as no one became what you thought of them.

Judgment only subtracts from your experience. “You cannot pour milk out of a jar, without ´there being ‘milk in the jar in the first place”; just as we can not pour anger at someone if there was no anger inside us in the first place!

No one triggers or presses the wrong button… choose to change your story instead.

The best version of your story is the best version of you. Let yourself shine, you don´t need to deserve to shine, you shine because we are energy, the matter is how bright you´re shining, here and now. The choice is entirely yours. We´re diamonds, all of us, it is just a matter of polishing each of its facets one at a time, my friend, you are allowed to do, without permission.

Be your own kind of beautiful! Be the best version you can be.

Transformation begins from the inside

Understand mind body spirit – Connection

Stay blessed, Stay put, in love, for love, with love & Sparkles for your amazingness!!